A Brother's Remorse
by No Guns Only Roses
Summary: Companion piece to "A Brother's Love". Raph watches helplessly as the Shredder kills Mikey right in front of him. And he never even had the chance to apologize to his little brother.


**I'm obsessed with Raph/Mikey bromance (if it's not already obvious, LOL!), so I made another "Mourning" one-shot focusing on Raph dealing with Mikey's death. It's sort of a companion piece to "A Brother's Love".**

" _Do us all a favor, Mikey. Grow up."_

 _"All right, Raph, I'll grow up. Now do us a favor and drop_ dead _."_

Raph couldn't help but flinch as the scene replayed over and over again in his head. Never before had his baby brother told him such spiteful words, no matter how often the two fought and bickered.

For Mikey, of all people, to tell him to drop dead, it must've been serious.

He could feel his brothers' disapproving gaze every time they'd pass by. Their little brother ran off last night because he couldn't control his mouth nor his temper. They tried calling him on his T-phone all night and morning, but he never responded.

"I really messed up this time, Chompy," Raph quietly said as he continued to pet his tiny space turtle. "Mikey's usually tolerant of my outbursts and attitude, but this time he..." He let out a deep sigh and bowed his head. "Leo's right: I need to learn to control my mouth...god, I hate admitting when he's right."

Chompy chirped in response and nudged Raph's finger with his tiny snout. Raph couldn't help but grin at how cute the little turtle was and nuzzled him.

"Raph, we're heading out!" He heard Leo shout outside his bedroom door. "We're gonna look for Mikey!"

"All right!" He gently set Chompy on the bed. "I'll see you in a little while, Chompy. And try not to eat my pillow."

* * *

"Anything?" Leo asked Donnie, who had just returned from the junkyard.

The genius brother sadly shook his head. Raph cursed under his breath while Leo rubbed his temples.

"Go ahead and say it," Raph mumbled.

Leo turned to look at his hotheaded brother. "What?"

"This is all my fault."

Leo opened his lips to speak, but Donnie beat him to it.

"Okay," Donnie said bitterly. "This is all your fault."

"Hey, come on, Donnie," Leo scolded him. "Pointing fingers at each other won't get us any closer to finding Mikey."

"Well, we wouldn't _have_ to be looking for him if Raph..."

"Enough!" Leo snapped. "Mikey could be in danger and we're wasting time...!"

They all jumped at the sound of something dropping onto the rooftop and whipped their heads to find some kind of large bird-like muntant lying on his face. When he lifted his head to look at them, they instantly recognized him.

"Pigeon Pete?!"

The pigeon mutant remained on the floor while waving at them. "Hiya, guys!" he said cheerfully.

Donnie ran over to him and helped him onto his feet. "Where have you been all this time?"

"I was staying at the Foot's. It wasn't much fun, though. They kept me in a really small cage and I didn't get much bread."

"Wait, the Foot _kidnapped_ you?" Leo asked.

Pete nodded his head. "Yep."

"How did you escape?" Raph asked.

"Oh, they let me go."

"Why?" Donnie asked.

"Um...oh, yeah! They wanted me to give you a message!" He paused and said nothing for a moment. Crickets chirped as the Turtles waited patiently for him to continue.

Raph was not a Turtle of patience, however. His little brother was out there somewhere, and he could be in danger. "Well? What's the message?"

"They have your brother. And Karai."

"WHAT?!" The Turtles simultaneously shouted.

"You guys have to go to this address," he stretched out a leg, which had a note tied to it. Donnie reached down and took the note off, unfolding it and reading the address written on it. "You have to be there by midnight or else something bad will happen to your brother and girlfriend."

Leo blushed as Donnie and Raph turned to look at him, teasing smirks on their faces.

"She-she's not my girlfriend!" Leo stuttered.

"You have to bring your Dad with you," Pete continued. "But you can't bring anybody else. Not even April or Casey."

"No reinforcements, huh?" Raph cracked his knuckles. "No problem. We can take on those losers on our own."

"What if it's a trap?" Donnie nervously asked their leader.

"Do we have a choice?" Leo said gravely. "Call Sensei."

* * *

The Turtles, including Master Splinter, we're now standing in front of an abandoned warehouse, where Mikey and Karai were being held hostage by the Shredder. Donnie's T-phone rang, and the screen read, "APRIL".

Donnie answered and held the phone to his ear. "Hey, April."

 _You made it to the warehouse?_

"Yeah. Now you remember the plan, right?"

 _Yeah. If something goes wrong, you'll text me and I'll call the Mutanimals immediately. We'll get there in no time._

"But you can't barge in without the whole gang present. No matter what, you understand? Wait until they all get here."

 _Understood. Be careful, guys._

Donnie hung up and sucked in a deep breath. "So...you guys ready?"

"Oh, yeah," Raph said with a smirk. "I'm ready to kick the Shredder's tail."

Splinter noticed Leo fidgeting nervously, gripping his katanas tightly. The rat placed a hand on his son's shoulder comfortingly. "Do not worry, Leonardo. We will rescue Michelangelo and Miwa."

Leo gulped and looked up at his father. "But what if we fail? What if we lose them both?"

"We will not fail," Splinter gently gave Leo's shoulder a squeeze. "I promise."

Leo, who had always trusted and believed in Splinter, was encouraged by his words and faced the front entrance with determination instead of fear in his heart. "All right, team. Let's do it."

Raph pulled his sai out of his belt. _Hang on, Little Brother,_ he thought to himself as he raced toward the doors with his brothers. _We're coming for you._

* * *

 _How could I let this happen?!_

Raph struggled to get out of Fishface's grasp. He and his family had been captured by the Shredder's goons, and though they fought with everything they had, they were still overpowered and defeated. There was just too many of them.

The hotheaded Turtle glared back at Fishace. "When I get free," he snarled, "I'm gonna rip your arms and legs off, and then you'll _really_ be like a fish!"

Fishface only snorted and tightened his grip on Raph's arms. "I wouldn't count on it."

"Just go ahead and kill the freak, Master," he heard Rahzar growl.

 _Wait. "Kill the freak"? What is he...?_

"That is up to Yoshi," Shredder said while still facing the bound Splinter. "So who will it be?"

Raph turned his attention to Mikey and Karai, who were also bound in chains and kneeling on the ground. Mikey's eyes locked with Raph's for a second. Raph could tell that his little brother was scared out of his mind, and he wanted to comfort him so badly. Yet the moment those baby blues meet his emerald greens, he turned his head away in shame. He couldn't even look at Mikey, because none of this wouldn't have happened if he hadn't lost his temper and verbally abused his brother.

 _Why do I always hurt the ones I love? Especially Mikey?_

"I will not choose, Saki," Splinter told Shredder.

"If you do not," Shredder said with such coldness in his voice, "then I will kill them both, and your other 'sons' will die next." He placed both pairs of blades at Mikey and Karai's throats, threatening to kill them.

 _NO! Get away from him!_ Raph tried to free himself, but the stupid fishstick still had a tight grip on him. He looked at his father, who was obviously distressed by the decision he was forced to make. Raph was beginning to fear that Splinter would actually consider sacrificing Mikey in order to save everyone else. But he wouldn't do that...would he?

 _Please, Father. Please don't pick Mikey._

All of sudden, Leo started screaming and thrashing in Tiger Claw's hold. "NO! MIKEY!"

Raph's heart started racing. "What?! What's going on?!" He focused his attention back on Mikey, who was looking at Splinter with sad, yet loving eyes. There was some kind of silent communication between the two. Finally, Splinter bowed his head and whispered his choice.

"I choose Michelangelo."

" **NO!** " Raph screamed along with his brothers.

"Very well," Shredder laughed cruelly. "The decision has been made." He walked over to Mikey and extended his blades even further.

"DON'T TOUCH HIM, YOU MONSTER!" Raph glared at Shredder, but the monstrous mutant ignored him and raised his hand, ready to strike.

In the midst of the screaming and sobbing, Mikey spoke out to his brothers. "Guys, guys. It's okay. I _want_ Sensei to choose me. Please don't hate him for this."

Raph frantically shook his head. _No, Mikey! You can't! Not after...!_

 _"It's_ always _your fault, Mikey! He'll never change, no matter how many lectures you give him! Because he doesn't_ want _to change! Do us all a favor, Mikey. Grow up."_

Raph felt the tears building up, and his vision became blurry. Yet he could still make out the loving smile Mikey was giving them.

"Bye, guys," Mikey softly said. "I love..."

Shredder slashed him across the face.

 _OH, GOD! NO!_

Now Raph was struggling with everything he had, and he ignored the scratches that Fishface's claws were making on his arms. He watched helplessly as Shredder continued his assault on Mikey.

There was blood everywhere. Some of it even splattered on Karai.

Mikey was dying. His precious little brother was _dying_.

And it was all his fault.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Shredder stopped attacking Mikey, his blades dripping with Mikey's blood.

Mikey was lying very still on the floor.

Complete silence hovered over the room...that is until Raph let out an inhuman roar. He flung his head backwards, hitting Fishface in the nose. The mutant fish immediately let go of him and he charged at Shredder with his sai drawn out.

 _I'LLKILLYOUI'LLKILLYOUI'LLKILLYOUI'LL-_

Shredder merely tossed him aside like a ragdoll and he landed on his shoulder, shattering it. He groaned and clutched his shoulder in pain as his brothers called out to him. He could barely hear Shredder say a few more words to Splinter and Karai before leaving the building with his henchmen. Donnie later helped him onto his feet and led him to the body of his little brother.

Oh, god. There were so many slashes. Not even his shell had been spared. Raph held onto the hope that Mikey was still alive. That there was still a tiny pulse, and his brother could still be saved. But then he noticed the deep wound in Mikey's plastron...right where his heart would be.

Realizing that it was hopeless, Raph collapsed onto Mikey's chest and sobbed.

 _Mikey, I'm so sorry...I let this happen to you...I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry...!_

He eventually lifted his head and looked at Mikey's scarred face.

 _"Raphie! Raphie! I have boo-boo! Kiss it!"_

Raph found himself kissing the scars, even though it wouldn't do any good now. He could taste the blood on his lips and it made his stomach churn.

 _This is all my fault._

* * *

As soon as they arrived at their destination, Leo picked up Mikey's wrapped up body and stepped out of the van. "Get to work on the pyre," he ordered as he walked into the farmhouse.

Raph wanted to follow Leo and be with Mikey as much as possible, but he was just too broken to argue and numbly did as he was told. Neither he nor Donnie said a word as they gathered up all the wood they could find and constructed the funeral pyre.

It was almost nighttime by the time they were finished, and Leo set Mikey's body on the altar. Their little brother wore a paper crown on his head, similar to the one Lil' Mikey wore in his world of imagination.

 _"I knew you guys would find me! Those freaky monsters were chasing me, so I hid in my imagination! Pretty cool, huh? Check out my king hat, yo!"_

They all gathered around the pyre, waiting for someone to start the eulogy. No one said a word, though.

Raph tried his best not to break down, but the guilt kept stabbing at his heart.

 _"Now do us a favor and drop_ dead _."_

He prayed to whatever deity that existed to let lightning or some other force strike him dead right where he stood. He was the one who deserved to die. He was the insensitive jerk who allowed all of this to happen. He should've been the one lying on that pyre. Not Mikey.

"Let's just get this over with."

He turned to see Leo light a match and walked toward the pyre. He couldn't take his eyes off the tiny flame that would soon grow into a great fire and consume Mikey's body.

And take Mikey away from him.

 **"NO!"** Raph shoved Leo aside and ran to the pyre, hugging Mikey's body in one last effort to protect him. Mikey's skin felt so cold that Raph shivered at the touch, but he refused to let go. He thought he was ready to say goodbye, but he wasn't.

"Raph, move aside," he heard Leo say. "Crying won't bring Mikey back."

"No!" Raph refused to leave Mikey and held onto him tighter. He didn't even pay attention to what Leo said after that and blocked out the rest of the world. Only he and Mikey existed now.

He wanted to be with Mikey no matter what, and no force in the world could ever separate them.

He then felt hands grab him and attempt to pull him away from Mikey's body. He fought back desperately. "NO! NO! STOP IT! LEAVE US ALONE!"

Someone elbowed him in the head, and he instantly fell into a world of darkness.

* * *

He woke up and saw April looking down at him sadly. His head lay on her lap and she stroked his forehead. "Hey, Raph," she gently said.

The sky above them was now black and starless. Panic took over as Raph suddenly remembered where he was. "MIKEY!" He raised his head and looked in the direction of the pyre. In its place was nothing but a pile of ashes.

His brother's ashes.

"No," Raph moaned as he crawled over to the spot and buried his face in the pile. "No, please don't tell me..."

"I'm sorry, Raph," April said sadly. "It's already done."

"How could you let Leo do it?"

"Raph, Mikey's gone. What was lying on the pyre...that was just his body. That wasn't Mikey."

Raph only shook his head and continued to rub his face in the ashes. "I have nothing left of him now..."

April sighed and walked over to the grieving Turtle, resting her cheek on his shell and wrapping her arms around him. "Come on, Raph, it's late. Let's go inside."

* * *

As soon as he walked into the farmhouse, he went straight upstairs to the bathroom and locked himself in. He sat on the edge of the bathtub and pulled a sai from out of his belt. He stared at the silver steel of his weapon.

 _"Bye, guys. I love..."_

Raph's breath hitched as the image of Mikey's sliced up body reappeared in his head. He was supposed to be the Protector, but instead of protecting his little brother, he ultimately led him to his death.

Now he was going to have live in a world without Mikey for the rest of his life.

Raph didn't like feeling so numb and alone. He wanted to feel something, even it was pain.

He kept staring at the sai in his hands. It felt cold on his fingers, much like Mikey's body before Leo lit the...

Then he got an idea.

 _Mikey, let me feel your pain._

He pointed the tip of the weapon at his cheek and closed his eyes...


End file.
